King Of The Jungle!

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey answered, "You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronted an ox and fiercely bellowed, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammered, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggered up to an elephant and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatched up the lion with his trunk and slammed him against a tree half a dozen times, leaving the lion feeling as if it had been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion until it looked like a corn tortilla and ambled away.

The lion let out a moan of pain, lifted his head weakly, and hollered after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it.......

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Secret to success

A young man asked Socrates the secret to success. Socrates told the young man to meet him near the river the next morning.

They met. Socrates asked the young man to walk with him towards the river. When the water got up to their neck, Socrates took the young man by surprise and ducked him into the water. The boy struggled to get out but Socrates was strong and kept him there until the boy started turning blue. Socrates pulled his head out of the water and the first thing the young man did was to gasp and take a deep breath of air.

Socrates asked, 'What did you want the most when you were there?" The boy replied, "Air." Socrates said, "That is the secret to success. When you want success as badly as you wanted the air, then you will get it." There is no other secret.

A burning desire is the starting point of all accomplishment. Just like a small fire cannot give much heat, a weak desire cannot produce great results.

10 funny truths of life

Here is a list of ten funny truths of life

1. If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.

2. Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

3. When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

4. If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.

Especially for Students----

5. If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

6. You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

7. The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

8. After a long wait for bus, two buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.

9. If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

10. Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

;)

Ever fell in love with a Ghost???

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

'Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.

You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks,'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shit, from back there I thought you said Goats."

;)