Self Appraisal

A little boy went into a drug store, reached the telephone, he climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone number).
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.

Boy: (with more perseverance) : "Lady, I'll even sweep your house andyour sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida."
Woman: No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner: "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy: "No thanks,

Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"

This is what we call "Self Appraisal"

The Sincere Friend (jfl) ;)

Happiness is not something you find, it's something you create…!!!

To All Those Who Helped Each Other

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The Sincere Friend...!

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;-)

USED vs. LOVED

While a man was polishing his new car,
his 4 yr old son picked up a stone
and scratched lines on the side of the car.
In anger, the man took the child's hand
and hit it many times not realizing
he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father.....
with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions..... .
sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches;
the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.


Anger and Love have no limits;
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely
life & remember this:
Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
The problem in today's world is
that people are used while things are loved.

Let's try always to keep this thought in mind:
Things are to be used,
People are to be loved.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Nail In The Fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.

His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.
Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the ! day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.
He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said,
"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry", the wound is still there.
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."

Shut up and shut down

:)

Good job Mr. Nitin

The Heights of Tiredness

Have You Ever Been This Tired? ;-)
























It doesn't matter how many people see this, but yes, I can see a smile in your face :)

(all pics taken from net)*

MONALISA

Amazing....???


Any guesses ??


Any guess now ??


??????

Artist assistants stand next to 3,604 cups of coffee which have been made into a giant Mona Lisa in Sydney, Australia .

The 3,604 cups of coffee were each filled with different amounts of milk to create the different shades!!

Amazing right ???? :)

Niagra Falls when frozen in 1911

Margaret writes:

Her mother had a cousin living in Niagara Falls that year. She told the family

that she and her neighbors woke up in the night feeling something was wrong.

It took a while but they finally realized that it was the lack of noise. They had

all become so used to the roar of the falls that the silence was unusual enough

to alert their senses. Of course at that time nearly all the houses were near the

falls. Amazing pictures! Almost 100 years old. Can you imagine walking on

Niagara falls?

(pics taken from net)*

Before and after Marriage ;-)

Before marriage.....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Scroll down……

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Simply read from bottom to the top.

Corporate Fact ;-)

Anti-Depressions-Video

Man and Hen ;-)

Anil came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as
he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.


When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed
wearing a long flowing white robe. 'Who the hell are you?' Demanded Anil,
'and what are you doing in my bedroom?'.


The mysterious Man answered 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm Yamraj'.


Anil was stunned 'You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to
live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me
back straight away'.


Yamraj replied 'Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can
only send you back as a dog or a hen.'


Anil was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house,
he asked to be sent back as a hen.


A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around
pecking the ground. 'This isn't so bad' he thought until he felt this
strange feeling welling up inside him.


The farmyard rooster strolled over and said 'So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?'


It's not so bad' replies Anil, 'but I have this strange feeling inside
like I'm about to explode'.


You're ovulating' explained the rooster, 'don't tell me you've never laid
an egg before'.


'Never' replies Anil


'Well just relax and let it happen'

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail.


An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the
better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.


When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever
happened to him... ever!!!


The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting .........

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"Anil, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting on the bed".

1 minute question paper; try how intelligent you are ;-)

(click on the image if unable to read)


not sure ????? :) scroll down for the answers

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Hows Thaaaat ???? ;-)

Adam and Eve or Monkeys ??? (Jfg) :)

Click on the image to enlarge and read

Creative Marketing

A keen immigrant, a Gujarati Indian lad, applied for a salesman's job at London 's premier downtown department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.

The boss asked him,
"Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes sir, I was a salesman in India ", replied the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around.

The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman.

"Only one sale?" blurted the boss."No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. "If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale.By the way "How much was the sale worth?"

" 93300534.00 pounds" said the young Indian.

"What"," How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. So I told him he'd be needing a boat and I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines.

Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.

I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents.

Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"

"No" answered the salesman,

"He came in to buy a headache relief tablet and I said to him, "Sir, fishing is best headache pain removal"

Boss - "You sit in my chair........"

A beautiful Ad by Airtel

Amazing Airtel ad

Very creative ad with a sensible concept.

Music by Slumdog Millionaire fame A.R.Rahman.

Have a look at this amazing ad.....

Crooked or Smart ? :)

The Car Accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It's a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So, you're a man... That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied,"I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle... My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Crooked or Smart ;-) ???

100 world known personalities

There are more than 100 world known personalities in this painting. If you can identify a minimum of 25, you may consider yourself a well-informed person.

Check out this high resolution picture

Good luck :)

(pic taken from net)*

Iman Maleki

Meet Iman Maleki one of the best realist painters in the world


Born in 1976 in Teheran.


From an early age he was fascinated with paintings


Age 15 he studied with Morteza Katouzian, de greatest realist painter in Iran & since had many successful showings of his paintings.

The most important exhibition to date was the “Exhibition of Realist painters of Iran” in the Contemporary Museum of Art in Teheran(1999)

Also the “Group Exhibition of KARA Studio Painters” in the SABZ galerie(1998) and the SA'AD ABAD Palace(2003).













The prolific Iman Maleki

We've always done it that way!

This is absolutely crazy ... but a good read .. so read on ...

Does the statement, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells...?

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That is an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?
Because that is the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that is the gauge they used.

Why did "they" use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay!

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.

And bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse's arse came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.

Now the twist to the story....When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.

The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

Therefore, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a Horse's arse.

And you thought being a horse's arse wasn't important??!!

Next time you ask why the client wants to some particularly weird bit of functionality and they say “we’ve always done it that way” remember this and think to yourself horses arse!!

:-)

Shri Krishna Janmashtami

Happy “Shri Krishna Janmashtami”

Work or Prison ? which is better? (Jfg ;-))

IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in an 8'X10' cell
AT WORK: You spend most of your time in a 6'X8' cubicle

IN PRISON: You get three meals a day (free)
AT WORK: You only get a break for one meal and probably have to pay for it yourself

IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior
AT WORK: You get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK

IN PRISON: A guard locks and unlocks the doors for you ..
AT WORK: You must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself .

IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games
AT WORK: You get fired for watching TV and playing games

IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit
AT WORK: You can not even speak to your family and friends

IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all
AT WORK: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

Humm?
Which Sounds Better?

So what are you waiting for......... ???
;-)

Lawyer

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.

The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?

"The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied,
"Firstly, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."

"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added,

"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident,"the lawyer's voice rising in indignation,
"leaving her penniless with three children?"
The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea...

" On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you ?

A beautiful young lady and a fantastic weekend

A young man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady by his side.

"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said.

The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring priced at $4500.

"I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique", he said.

At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe.

"Here's one stunning ring at $33000."

The girls' eyes sparkled, and the young man said that he would take it.

"How are you paying?"

"I'll pay by cheque, but of course the bank would want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone the bank Monday and I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".

Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man.

"You lied there's no money in that account."

"I know, but can you imagine what a Fantastic WEEKEND I had?"

HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES

1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.

Then analyze the situation:

a. If they are counting the bricks put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put then in
Engineering .
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information
Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle , put them in Human Resources .
i. If they sa y they have tried different combinations, they are
looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day , put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window , put them in Strategic Planning .
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been
moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

Cleopatra Stratan

Listen to this lovely cute little Moldovan singing wonder! Will make your day for sure. She did this at the age of 3, holds the record for the youngest artist who performed for about 2 hours in front of a large audience and she is the highest paid young artist.

I'm crazy not stupid!

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health).

He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.

When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."

Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"

The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the Institute of mental health?"

Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

Husband Store (jfg) ;-)

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City;-), where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. .... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

*********
The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

*********
The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

*********
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

*********
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*********
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Cup of Tea for Dad

To all the dads out there...

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of
tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she
watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know.. :)
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?

When a photo is not just a photo

Mr Sandeep Bachhe

Suvendu Roy of Titan Industries shares his inspirational encounter with a rickshaw driver in Mumbai: India

Last Sunday, my wife, kid and I had to travel to Andheri from Bandra..

When I waved at a passing auto rickshaw, little did I expect that this ride would be any
different.

As we set off, my eyes fell on a few magazines (kept in an aircraft style pouch) behind the driver's back rest. I looked in front and there was a small TV.

The driver had put on the Doordarshan channel. My wife and I looked at each other with
disbelief and amusement.

In front of me was a small first-aid box with cotton, dettol and some medicines.. This was enough for me to realize that I was in a special vehicle.

Then I looked round again, and discovered more - there was a radio, fire extinguisher, wall clock, calendar, and pictures and symbols of all faiths - from Islam and Christianity to Buddhism, Sikhism and Hinduism. There were also pictures of the heroes of 26/11

Kamte, Salaskar, Karkare and Unnikrishnan.

I realised that not only my vehicle, but also my driver was special.

I started chatting with him and the initial sense of ridicule and disbelief gradually
diminished.

I gathered that he had been driving an auto rickshaw for the past 8-9 years; he had lost his job when his employer's plastic company was shut down. He had two school-going children, and he drove from 8 in the morning till 10 at night. No break unless he was unwell. "Sahab, ghar mein baith ke TV dekh kar kya faida? Do paisa income karega toh future mein kaam aayega."
("Sir, what's the use of simply sitting at home and watching TV? If I earn some income, then it will be useful in the future").

We realised that we had come across a man who represents Mumbai - the spirit of work, the spirit of travel and the spirit of excelling in life. I asked him whether he does anything else as I figured that he did not have too much spare time. He said that he goes to an old age home for women in Andheri once a week or whenever he has some extra income, where he donates tooth brushes, toothpastes, soap, hair oil, and other items of daily use. He pointed out to a painted message below the meter that read:

25% discount on metered fare for the handicapped.
Free rides for blind passengers up to Rs.50.

He also said that his auto was mentioned on Radio Mirchi twice by the station RJs.

The Marathi press in Mumbai knows about him and have written a few pieces on him and his vehicle.

My wife and I were struck with awe. The man was a HERO! A hero who deserves all our respect. I know that my son, once he grows up, will realize that we have met a genuine hero. He has put questions to me such as why should we help other people? I will try to keep this incident alive in his memory.

Our journey came to an end; 45 minutes of a lesson in humility, selflessness and of a hero-worshipping Mumbai - my temporary home. We disembarked, and all I could do was to pay him a tip that would hardly cover a free ride for a blind man.

I hope, one day, you too have a chance to meet Mr Sandeep Bachhe in his auto rickshaw MH-02-Z-8508.

Jai Hind!!
God Bless Him!!

How To Know The Gender Of A Fly? (Jfg) ;)

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter

Wife: 'What are you doing?' !
Hubby: 'Hunting Flies'
Wife: 'Oh. ! Killing any?'
Hubby: 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,’

Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?' !

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone

Child's Prayer (Jfg) :-)

Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's Computer....