When Opportunity Knocks

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber then shot him point blank, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied

"No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

Moral - When Opportunity knocks.... MAKE USE OF IT (Just for gags ok :-) )

Three Equations ;-)

Equation 1


Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + Sleep
Therefore
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In Other words,
Human that doesn't enjoy = Donkey that works


Equation 2


Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Men = Donkey + earn money
Therefore:
Men - earn money = Donkey
In other words,
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey


Equation 3


Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Women = Donkey + spend
Women- spend = Donkey
In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey


To Conclude:


From equation 2 and 3
Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend


So


Men earn money not to let women become donkeys And women spend not to
let men become donkeys


So we have:


Men+ women = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + spend money


Therefore from postulates 1 & 2, we can conclude Men + women = 2 Donkeys
that live happily together !!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Which wolf Wins

One evening an old man told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle between two wolves is inside us all.

One is Evil. Its anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith".

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:" Which wolf wins?"


The old man simply replied, "The one you feed".

IIM Prof:

One night 4 MBA students were boozing till late night and didn't study

For the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.

they then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days.

they said they will be ready by that time. on the third day

they appeared before the dean. the dean said that this was a special condition test.

All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.

Q.1. Write down your name -----(2 marks)

Q.2. Which tyre burst -------(98 marks)!!

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake." - Savielly

My Escaping Too Is An Illusion

Once when Adi Sankaracharya was passing through a forest, an elephant came rushing towards him. To save himself, Sankara too started running. Seeing this from a distance, a disciple shouted rather mockingly.

"Kim palayanasi; Gajopi mithya?" (Why are you running; the elephant too is an illusion?) alluding to Sankara's famous precept,

"Brahmn Satyam, jagat mithya" (The Supreme Being is the only truth; the world is merely an illusion.)

Not to be outdone, the seer replied:
"Mam palayanopi mithya!" (My escaping too is an illusion! ;-))

One does not know if the story is true but Indian scriptures do often resort to humour to convey a spiritual idea. Well!! Let's take this story too in the right spirit :)

Two Frogs

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit.
When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.

The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might.
The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead.
Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up.
He fell down and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could.
Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die.
He jumped even harder and finally made it out.
When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?"

The frog explained to them that he was deaf and thought they were encouraging him the entire time.



This story teaches two lessons:

1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging
word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it
through the day.

2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes
to kill them.

Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path.
The power of words... it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way.
Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.

The Sparrow, Elk and the Wild cat

There was once a little sparrow flying north towards the Arctic region.
Shortly, the sparrow froze in the cold winds and fell down on the snow, dying slowly.

An elk, passing by, shat on the sparrow.
Feeling warm, underneath that warm dung, the sparrow started to chirp happily.
Soon enough, a wild cat, hearing the chirping, dug up the sparrow and ate it.

Moral
Those who shit on you are not always your enemies.
Those who help you out of shit are not always you friends.... :-)

The Turtles

A turtle family decided to go on a picnic.

The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!


For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements.. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed.

After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell.
He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned.
The family consented and the little turtle left.

Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years...six years......then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger.

He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich.

At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting, 'See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.'

Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations.
We are so concerned about what others are doing that we don't do anything ourselves

Performance Counts

Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.


Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.


Saint Peter addresses him, " Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven ?"


The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York ."


Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver,



"Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."


Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."


Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest,


"Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."


" Just a minute ," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"


" Results," shrugged Saint Peter....... ....


"While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."


***********

Moral of the story:

It's Performance, Not Position that Counts

Perspective

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was the trip?'

'It was great, Dad.'

'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.

'Oh yeah,' said the son.

'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father

The son answered:

'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added , 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?

Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

Pass this on to family, friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.

'Life is too short and friends are too few.

Knowing where to Tap

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another,
but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young.
He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately
went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know
what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and
pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine
lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand
dollars.


"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"


So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer...... .......... ........ $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......... ......... ...... $ 9, 998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the
difference!

The Monks and the Pretty Lady

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river.

There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river. The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted.


The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. 'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk. But he kept quiet.

The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily

When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her. All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head.

This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation. Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. 'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty?


All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite.
The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?

This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous .. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.

We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river, that is after the unpleasant event is over. This will immediately remove all our agonies.

There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.

Science is organized knowledge.

Wisdom is organized life.

Why should we read Gita ?

Why do we read Geetha, even if we can't understand a word in Sanskrit???

An old farmer lived on a farm in the mountains, with his young grandson.
Each morning, the grandpa was up early, sitting at the kitchen table, reading his
Bhagavadh Geetha. His grandson wanted to be just like his grandpa and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Bhagavadh Geetha just like you but I don't understand it, and whatever I understand I forget it as soon as I close the book.
What good does reading the Bhagavadh Geetha do?"

The Grandpa quietly turned from adding coal to the hearth and replied,
"Ok I'll answer you. Can you please take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water."

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he returned.
The grandfather laughed and said, "You have to move a little faster, next time,".

This time, the boy ran faster. But again the basket was empty before he returned.
Out of breath, he told his grandpa that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead.

The old man said, "No child, I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house.

The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, "See Grandpa, it's useless!"

"You think it is useless?" The old man said, "Look at the basket."
The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket looked different.
It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket to a clean one, inside and out.

"Son, that's what happens when you read the Bhagavadh Geetha.
You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be cleansed, inside and out.
That is the power of the message of Lord KriShNa, versified by Lord Vyasa (KriShNa himself)".

Why Some People Seem To Have All The Luck

Why do some people have all the luck while others never get the breaks they deserve? I set out to examine luck, 10 years ago. Why are some people always in the right place at the right time, while others consistently experience ill fortune?

I placed advertisements in national newspapers asking for people who felt consistently lucky or unlucky to contact me.

Hundreds of extraordinary men and women volunteered for my research and over the years, have been interviewed by me. I have monitored their lives and had them take part in experiments. The results reveal that although these people have almost no insight into the causes of their luck, their thoughts and behaviour are responsible for much of their good and bad fortune. Take the case of seemingly chance opportunities. Lucky people consistently encounter such opportunities, whereas unlucky people do not.

I carried out a simple experiment to discover whether this was due to differences in their ability to spot such opportunities. I gave both lucky and unlucky people a newspaper, and asked them to look through it and tell me how many photographs were inside. I had secretly placed a large message halfway through the newspaper saying: ‘Tell the experimenter you have seen this and win $50’.

This message took up half of the page and was written in type that was more than two inches high. It was staring everyone straight in the face, but the unlucky people tended to miss it and the lucky people tended to spot it.

Unlucky people are generally more tense than lucky people, and this anxiety disrupts their ability to notice the unexpected.
As a result, they miss opportunities because they are too focused on looking for something else. They go to parties intent on finding their perfect partner and so miss opportunities to make good friends. They look through newspapers determined to find certain types of job advertisements and miss other types of jobs.

Lucky people are more relaxed and open, and therefore see what is there rather than just what they are looking for. My research eventually revealed that lucky people generate good fortune via four principles. They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.

I wondered towards the end of the work, whether these principles could be used to create good luck. I asked a group of volunteers to spend a month carrying out exercises designed to help them think and behave like a lucky person. Dramatic results! These exercises helped them spot chance opportunities, listen to their intuition, expect to be lucky, and be more resilient to bad luck. One month later, the volunteers returned and described what had happened. The results were dramatic: 80 per cent of people were now happier, more satisfied with their lives and, perhaps most important of all, luckier.

The lucky people had become even luckier and the unlucky had become lucky. Finally, i had found the elusive ‘luck factor’.

1) Listen to your gut instincts — they are normally right.

2) Be open to new experiences and breaking your normal routine.

3) Spend a few moments each day remembering things that went well.

4) Visualise yourself being lucky before an important meeting or telephone call.

Have a Lucky day and work for it.

By Richard Wiseman - The author of ‘The Luck Factor’ teaches at the University of Hertfordshire.