A young man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady by his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said.
The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring priced at $4500.
"I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique", he said.
At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe.
"Here's one stunning ring at $33000."
The girls' eyes sparkled, and the young man said that he would take it.
"How are you paying?"
"I'll pay by cheque, but of course the bank would want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone the bank Monday and I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".
Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man.
"You lied there's no money in that account."
"I know, but can you imagine what a Fantastic WEEKEND I had?"
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
Then analyze the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put then in
Engineering .
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information
Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle , put them in Human Resources .
i. If they sa y they have tried different combinations, they are
looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day , put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window , put them in Strategic Planning .
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been
moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
Then analyze the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put then in
Engineering .
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information
Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle , put them in Human Resources .
i. If they sa y they have tried different combinations, they are
looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day , put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window , put them in Strategic Planning .
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been
moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Cleopatra Stratan
Listen to this lovely cute little Moldovan singing wonder! Will make your day for sure. She did this at the age of 3, holds the record for the youngest artist who performed for about 2 hours in front of a large audience and she is the highest paid young artist.
Friday, July 24, 2009
I'm crazy not stupid!
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health).
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the Institute of mental health?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the Institute of mental health?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Husband Store (jfg) ;-)
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City;-), where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. .... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
*********
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
*********
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
*********
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. .... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
*********
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
*********
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
*********
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Cup of Tea for Dad
To all the dads out there...
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of
tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she
watches him drink it up.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know.. :)
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?
Monday, July 20, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Mr Sandeep Bachhe
Suvendu Roy of Titan Industries shares his inspirational encounter with a rickshaw driver in Mumbai: India
Last Sunday, my wife, kid and I had to travel to Andheri from Bandra..
When I waved at a passing auto rickshaw, little did I expect that this ride would be any
different.
As we set off, my eyes fell on a few magazines (kept in an aircraft style pouch) behind the driver's back rest. I looked in front and there was a small TV.
The driver had put on the Doordarshan channel. My wife and I looked at each other with
disbelief and amusement.
In front of me was a small first-aid box with cotton, dettol and some medicines.. This was enough for me to realize that I was in a special vehicle.
Then I looked round again, and discovered more - there was a radio, fire extinguisher, wall clock, calendar, and pictures and symbols of all faiths - from Islam and Christianity to Buddhism, Sikhism and Hinduism. There were also pictures of the heroes of 26/11
Kamte, Salaskar, Karkare and Unnikrishnan.
I realised that not only my vehicle, but also my driver was special.
I started chatting with him and the initial sense of ridicule and disbelief gradually
diminished.
I gathered that he had been driving an auto rickshaw for the past 8-9 years; he had lost his job when his employer's plastic company was shut down. He had two school-going children, and he drove from 8 in the morning till 10 at night. No break unless he was unwell. "Sahab, ghar mein baith ke TV dekh kar kya faida? Do paisa income karega toh future mein kaam aayega."
("Sir, what's the use of simply sitting at home and watching TV? If I earn some income, then it will be useful in the future").
We realised that we had come across a man who represents Mumbai - the spirit of work, the spirit of travel and the spirit of excelling in life. I asked him whether he does anything else as I figured that he did not have too much spare time. He said that he goes to an old age home for women in Andheri once a week or whenever he has some extra income, where he donates tooth brushes, toothpastes, soap, hair oil, and other items of daily use. He pointed out to a painted message below the meter that read:
25% discount on metered fare for the handicapped.
Free rides for blind passengers up to Rs.50.
He also said that his auto was mentioned on Radio Mirchi twice by the station RJs.
The Marathi press in Mumbai knows about him and have written a few pieces on him and his vehicle.
My wife and I were struck with awe. The man was a HERO! A hero who deserves all our respect. I know that my son, once he grows up, will realize that we have met a genuine hero. He has put questions to me such as why should we help other people? I will try to keep this incident alive in his memory.
Our journey came to an end; 45 minutes of a lesson in humility, selflessness and of a hero-worshipping Mumbai - my temporary home. We disembarked, and all I could do was to pay him a tip that would hardly cover a free ride for a blind man.
I hope, one day, you too have a chance to meet Mr Sandeep Bachhe in his auto rickshaw MH-02-Z-8508.
Jai Hind!!
God Bless Him!!
Last Sunday, my wife, kid and I had to travel to Andheri from Bandra..
When I waved at a passing auto rickshaw, little did I expect that this ride would be any
different.
As we set off, my eyes fell on a few magazines (kept in an aircraft style pouch) behind the driver's back rest. I looked in front and there was a small TV.
The driver had put on the Doordarshan channel. My wife and I looked at each other with
disbelief and amusement.
In front of me was a small first-aid box with cotton, dettol and some medicines.. This was enough for me to realize that I was in a special vehicle.
Then I looked round again, and discovered more - there was a radio, fire extinguisher, wall clock, calendar, and pictures and symbols of all faiths - from Islam and Christianity to Buddhism, Sikhism and Hinduism. There were also pictures of the heroes of 26/11
Kamte, Salaskar, Karkare and Unnikrishnan.
I realised that not only my vehicle, but also my driver was special.
I started chatting with him and the initial sense of ridicule and disbelief gradually
diminished.
I gathered that he had been driving an auto rickshaw for the past 8-9 years; he had lost his job when his employer's plastic company was shut down. He had two school-going children, and he drove from 8 in the morning till 10 at night. No break unless he was unwell. "Sahab, ghar mein baith ke TV dekh kar kya faida? Do paisa income karega toh future mein kaam aayega."
("Sir, what's the use of simply sitting at home and watching TV? If I earn some income, then it will be useful in the future").
We realised that we had come across a man who represents Mumbai - the spirit of work, the spirit of travel and the spirit of excelling in life. I asked him whether he does anything else as I figured that he did not have too much spare time. He said that he goes to an old age home for women in Andheri once a week or whenever he has some extra income, where he donates tooth brushes, toothpastes, soap, hair oil, and other items of daily use. He pointed out to a painted message below the meter that read:
25% discount on metered fare for the handicapped.
Free rides for blind passengers up to Rs.50.
He also said that his auto was mentioned on Radio Mirchi twice by the station RJs.
The Marathi press in Mumbai knows about him and have written a few pieces on him and his vehicle.
My wife and I were struck with awe. The man was a HERO! A hero who deserves all our respect. I know that my son, once he grows up, will realize that we have met a genuine hero. He has put questions to me such as why should we help other people? I will try to keep this incident alive in his memory.
Our journey came to an end; 45 minutes of a lesson in humility, selflessness and of a hero-worshipping Mumbai - my temporary home. We disembarked, and all I could do was to pay him a tip that would hardly cover a free ride for a blind man.
I hope, one day, you too have a chance to meet Mr Sandeep Bachhe in his auto rickshaw MH-02-Z-8508.
Jai Hind!!
God Bless Him!!
Friday, July 10, 2009
How To Know The Gender Of A Fly? (Jfg) ;)
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
Wife: 'What are you doing?' !
Hubby: 'Hunting Flies'
Wife: 'Oh. ! Killing any?'
Hubby: 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,’
Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?' !
He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone
Wife: 'What are you doing?' !
Hubby: 'Hunting Flies'
Wife: 'Oh. ! Killing any?'
Hubby: 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,’
Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?' !
He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Child's Prayer (Jfg) :-)
Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's Computer....
Thursday, July 2, 2009
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